FROM RIGHT BEFORE MY 6MONTH SCANS AFTER TREATMENT!

JULY 25, 2009

i try and keep up with this little blog thing but i dont haha i wish i did more often.. cause i know i have a lot to say and a lot to share with people....

But basically im writing this because on monday july 27, 2009 i will be going in for my 6month Tests/Scans... Lets just say that last time i went in for my 6months after treatment scans the cancer had come back... so yeah im a little nervous but i have faith in God.

Man where do i start well the past 6 months i have been out of treatment have been crazy gosh so much has happened i dont even know where to start.. but hey my hair is back haha thats a plus :) even though its at this really awkward stage that im hating right now!! crazy hair... and well lets see i have gone back to work... and soon this fall i will be back to school... and yeah life has just taken off...

and a lot of other things have happened just crazy stuff, stuff that i thought i would never have to GO THROUGH... gosh but God has just made me so strong. There aren't even any words to say to describe the kind of things that God has done in my life over the past few months.. i just keep reminding myself everyday that Life is worth every moment and that everythnig happens for a reason and although the reason right now seems so far away and unclear and at most times really shitty... i know God will not let me down and his perfect plan will be done through everything.

It is so easy to get discouraged and let the bad things take you down. But i just have to keep on pushin on and know that hey tomorrow is never promised! Today is all you have and the future? well yeah it is there but who knows if you will get there! Just living in the moment is what we all need to learn to do.

Yesterday came TODAY IS HERE and tomorrow... well tomorrow may never come.... i have a hard time not FOCUSING on the future and whats going to happen!! i hate that haha i want to be able to just live for today and know that what ever happens or doesnt happen it was what was MEANT TO BE... and whats mean to be will ALWAYS FIND A WAY!!!

am i making any sense!? i hope so cuz haha i feel like i am just rambling on... but basically what i am trying to say is that we all need to just DESTRESS a little and enjoy our gift that is called the PRESENT! because well thats all you have right now!!!

haha SO with all that said... IM not so scared about my scans on Monday because hey realistically who knows if i will make it to monday right!? hahaha but if i do which im sure i will... what EVER happens what EVER those scans say... I AM GOING TO HOLD MY HEAD HIGH suck it up and GO FORWARD!! the worst has already happened to me in so many ways nothing is going to get me down! not now not this time!!!!

i have recently lost a very important person in my life (and not by death haha dont worry) and im very sad that they wont be there to celebrate with me when i find out im cancer free ( notice how i say cancer free cuz i am stronger than the cancer and i say F U cancer go away) haha but yes i am sad about not being able to just call them up screaming and laughing and saying I DID IT... i DID IT!!! i beat cancer and im still here!! But in my heart they will be there cheering me on and i know they will be Happy... so to you the person i am talking about :) thank u for everything you really where my rock!!

So0o0o0o now awwwww today will be a Great day i am sure and im happy to say that I LOVE YOU JESUS thank you for everything...

and to all of you that are feeling discouraged sad depressed lonely hurt crushed tired or just plain our of it... I PROMISE YOU things will get better just have faith in God he will pull you out of the deepest pits!! he wants you to be happy and he wants to take all your hurt and burden away!!! I cant tell you how many times i have felt like i was in the deepest pit that life had to offer only to be PULLED OUT BY GOD!!!!! i promise he will do the same for you!! just keep pushing ON and remember that LIFE IS WORTH LIVING and GOD WILL NEVER LET YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!

* i am sorry for all the mis spelling and typos hahaha but u get what im tryin to say*

i would also like to report that i am cancer FREE everyone the prayers where answered and the scans came back CLEAR!